I have been silent for weeks now. No words written. Thousands of thoughts and feelings and words rolling through my soul, but most haven’t made it to the outside of me. Yet. Maybe I don’t want to commit them to reality. Maybe the words are just passing through. Maybe there are things I am only meant to feel, not share. And maybe some of them are simply too hard, too heavy, not quite ready for release.
Today, though, this day I will write. Today I dedicate this blog space to my B.L.B. (Big Little Brother) This is the moniker I gave to a dear friend of mine years ago. He is several years my junior, but has the wisdom of a sage and has cared for me like an elder brother. So this is my Happy Birthday post to him. This is my thank you for his words.
Thank you BLB, for the man you have been, the man you are and the man you are becoming.
Thank you for tires. The ones we talk about, at length, and the ones you surprised me with when you “cleaned” my car.
Thank you for loving food like you do and letting me be your GPS and ZAGAT on occasion!
I am grateful to you for so many things. Maple Sugar Liquor. Hours of NFL. Letting me help with roofing the tree house. Weeks of basement dwelling when the ice storm took out my home. Coffee cups on the very top shelf of the tall people. Little hikes. Imprompt drives with you and LS just to watch my odometer turn 100,000 miles. Sharing your very-special-occasion bottle of Port and toasting my dad together. Thanks for telling me about the “extra” day we wish we could have when needed. Thank you for remembering me on Mother’s Day, even though I am technically childless. I am grateful for all of it.
Most importantly, thank you for your words.
Your words have brought me life.
“Why can’t you be the senior pastor?,” you asked.
“I think it was more about how much you connect with their hearts, your story, their stories, and how it was actually said… I think Robin is the closest thing to Jesus that we have seen here on Earth… for me it was cool confirmation of who you are, and what you are doing and the impact you are having for Him…”
and then there was
“I don’t really think you are afraid of this. I think you used to be afraid in this situation so you are falling back into the old known reaction. But I don’t really think you are afraid. Let it go.”
And the most life-changing
“Maybe you could use this downtime, while you are out of work, to pursue your goal of getting healthy once again.”
There were so many great words. Wise words. Funny words. Words to remind me I am worth fighting for. And worth taking care of. Raw, honest, deep words about who you are and who God is and who I am. You are one of the few people I can discuss the big questions with and still walk away feeling loved.
So here is to your day. Here’s to dragons and dreams, to being family by choice, to years of football games and healthy food. Here’s to having courage to go after our passions even while still wondering if we have what it takes. Here’s to more words. Good words. Life words. The pursuit of connection to God and people.
Here’s to you, BLB. I am ever so grateful that I am no longer of afraid of you. You are just the right mix of jerk seasoning and humility. So happy, blessed amazing birthday. And thank you for all your words. Every single one of them.